.:i.t.o:.

in the past i have often wonder why are hong kong people so concentrating in striving forward, and never want to think about the past, or stopped to appreciate our culture.  wait… we don’t have one.

here in america hong kong people are automatically being lumped with the chinese.  most people did not even think twice about how the history of hong kong has affected the “chinese” people culturally, who were living there.  at times i thought about if we should even be categorized the same.  or perhaps it is just the two generations, who was born and raised within british rule, that “got the shaft.”  i considered the effects were significant enough, and it is worth mentioning.  at least i am able to clearly see how it had affected my parents and me.

due to the british colonialism, hong kong people are considered different from the mainland chinese.  we are definitely not considered british neither.  so people like me (and my parents), who was raised within the british rule, are really stuck in between the cultural gap.  we were never taught to be proud of our roots or passing down our stories to the next generation.  our history and ancentries are lost.  culture was never cultivated.  life was about survival and striving to be the best. 

since the colonialism, hk people had been removed from their culture.  our culture and traditions were killed.  chasing the latest fad alone had become our culture.  hk ladies wearing tommy hilfiger, burberry, coach.  …or should i say, Tommy hilfaker, furberry, and foach? how about throwing north fake in the mix as well? young people joined in with the pop culture and play mah jong.  there is nothing wrong with these things in itself.  however, we have somehow taken those things in place of our entire culture.  what happened to the traditional music, song and dance? stories that people talk about? the history of hong kong pre-colonialism had been wiped out!

because of this, it had created lasting effects on the hk people (as it does with every other country the europeans took over).  the younger generation suffers from the lost of culture.  thus, we become more vulnerable to assimilation to the western world, as we do not understand the significance of the culture and traditions of Hong Kong.  my parents and my generation had become the “victim” of that paradigm.

i have been wrestling with that thought of being the first generation in america, yet not knowing or having my own culture.  it is such a shame.  what difference would it make me, than the [ignorant and privileged-bound] white people? i believe, in order to truly appreciate other cultures, one have to learn to appreciate their own first.  at the same time, i am struggling to find / hold on to the little culture i have — my language.

recently i have read something a friend wrote a while back.  it really encouraged me to spur on this search.  he said (and i am paraphrasing here), “are we thinking enough about what are we going to tell our children to tell their children about where we came from? or are we just going to sit and wait for something, like an earthquake, to happen to shake things up? when an earthquake happens sometimes can reveal things that we don’t want to see, or know about.  when that happens… what are you going to do?”

i would like to be able to past down the history, traditions and the truth, to those who come after me.  in order to do that, it would really have to know my history and possibly challenge somebody.  so i might actually be the earthquake… and shake things up.  =)

with the social work program i have been learning to make every situation i go through, a lesson to learn.  recently i got sick along with a lot of people, and had this terrible cough.  one day i lost my voice.  since then i had been using my notepad to communicate with people.  i would write down whatever i wanted to say, and they can read what is on my mind.  it was something to adjust to for the time being, but it was doable.

though it was just over the period of four days, it was hard.  all physically, mental and emotionally challenging.  it was particularly emotionally challenging because i felt like such an inconvenience sometimes.  i had to take the time to write out everything in order for the other person to read.  the other person also had to wait for me to write my words down.  because of these things, at times i felt like i was a hassle.  i felt incompetent, dismissed and silenced.  but i could not help it, due to that was my only way of communication.

with these emotions i became more attuned to the people, who could not communicate in certain ways, and the things they would go through daily. this year i had got closer to someone in the program, and we became friends.  we even hung out outside of school, which was kind of cool.  one day after my voice was gone, i wanted to chat with this friend of mine.  after i wrote down my thoughts like I did with other people, I was about to show it to her. a thought suddenly dawned on me – she couldn’t read.  due to her condition, it was difficult for her to open her eyes.  here i was, only temporarily muted and dumbfounded.  all her life most of her communication was based verbally, and that was the thing that i could not give her.  wow. I realized how she had been “going that extra mile” daily, just to meet the standards of us “normal” people, but left saddened, frustrated and unsatisfied.

through my experiences as a “temporary mute,” i was able to get a glimpse of what it is like for someone who cannot communicate verbally.  these experiences had also sparked the heart in me to learn to build alliances with those who are disadvantaged.  how? i’m still learning how to go about it.  but i think it is a start – to acknowledge my agent identities.