Fighting in the Battle

{ July 5, 2011 @ 9:14 pm } · { reflection on self }
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“you gotta protect/defend your time with God.”
- matthew west

i heard it one morning on klove radio. for some reason that sounded really profound to me, and just what i needed to hear.

since i have started working, i have all these excuses bombarding my life. “i have work to do,” “i am too tired,” “i should hang out with friends, i have not seen them for awhile,” “i can do that at bible study.” i definitely have neglected my personal time with God. i have slowly drifted away from my relationship with God, the person who i claimed to be the lover of my soul. that neglect has definitely shown within my actions towards the people around me.

i have a vision of all these things (enemies) coming at me, and i have to fight it off with my sword. i am tired. my sword is not sharp enough. i have to fight off these things multiple times. i need a sharper sword. but if i long for a sharper sword, then what more reason do i need to protect and defend my personal time with God? so often i get boggled down or swept away from the temporary things and things that sound remotely exciting, and put my relationship with God at the “back burner” of my mind. it really shows its place in my heart/mind.

“love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” – mark 12:30

the most important commandment, i have failed to follow. often i do not hesitate to acknowledge that God is loving and gracious. at times i tend to concentrate on that too much, as God has often been withholding His Wrath on me. instead, i have to also acknowledge that He is Holy and just as well. he cannot tolerate disobedience. part of being a loving Father, also means to discipline those He loves. if He does not discipline, how does that show that He cares?

this is a battle. a battle that i am not willing to loose.

Stop Striving.

{ March 17, 2010 @ 12:00 am } · { inspirational, random blogging }
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indeed, i have not blogged for ages and centuries as i have been busy. this time i have made myself to blog tonight.

a friend asked me today what i have learned during Sunday School this past week. i failed to recall as it has been a few days from then. as i was just reading a friend’s blog, it reminded me of one of the things that came up for me when i was sitting in the classroom last Sunday morning: stop striving.

wait, what? stop striving. drink and taste in the moment. it is so counter-cultural. not in the sense where you live in the moment and forget the future/eternal stuff. but stop always looking ahead, and thinking of the next thing that you have to do to achieve the “next step” in life. in our culture we are socialized to be “in” with the times so you can hold a decent conversation with coworkers, and you get weird looks as you are not keeping up with trying the latest restaurants and clubs. but as christians, we are called to be different. if we are also running around with our heads cut off, trying to get the newest and the latest along with the rest of the world, then how are we different? are we also tired from all the striving? what are we trying to prove? what are we trying to gain? what good is it that if we gain the whole world and forfeit our souls…

i find myself doing the same thing. perhaps not necessarily with the “happenin” places… but with other stuff. it is so easy for me just to put other things in my life in place of God being the priority. striving for things that i don’t really need to have, in order to gain acceptance by my peers. God has to constantly reminding me that i am already accepted by Him. despite of my sins and transgressions, He gave up His throne and died an ultimate and horrible death, to show me that i am loved and accepted in His eyes. i no longer has to strive for acceptance. i just have to focus on putting Him in the center and build my house on the rock. So when the wind comes, it will not collapsed.

Update…

{ December 1, 2008 @ 10:49 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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[  ] 11/19  process recording (wait…that’s tomorrow!)
[  ] 11/19  community project proposal (oh, this is due tomorrow too!)
[  ] 11/19  SCWK 240 research methods test (and this one! …at 9am bright and early!)
[  ] 11/25  SCWK 202 policy WIC presentation
[  ] 12/02  SCWK 212 HBSE exam
[  ] 12/03  SCWK 220 practice paper due (4-6pgs)
[  ] 12/09  SCWK 202 policy paper due (10-12pgs)
[  ] 12/09  SCWK 212 HBSE paper due (6-8pgs)
[  ] 12/10  SCWK 240 Research paper due (13pgs)

it’s almost over…..

Thankful

{ November 24, 2008 @ 7:15 pm } · { random blogging }
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music,
text messages, phone calls,
emails,
worship, dance,
retreat, people, laughter,
games, movies, cereal,
packages, vita soy, rice cooker…
a nice place to live
sunny sky, warm weather, palm trees
a cohort that knows how to take care of each other
old friends, new friends, friends back home….
good friends here to keep company
to dine with, to do homework with, to procrastinate with…
awesome community of brothers and sisters in the Lord
nice families who would invite me to dine on thanksgiving night
God’s Word, His Mercy and Grace, His Healing,
and His provision…

“…My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness….” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV)

Experience Life of a Grad Student…Project

{ November 18, 2008 @ 7:12 pm } · { random blogging, venting session }
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you know how teachers like to all leave everything due at the same time at the end of the quarter / semester, and it gets really stressful in undergrad?? it’s that time again for me! (yaay!) i haven’t done one of those to-do lists for a while.  so i should do one. here goes,

*disclaimer* this is not used to discourage any reader from going back for grad school.  just simply saying how it is…  =p

[  ] 11/19  process recording (wait…that’s tomorrow!)
[  ] 11/19  community project proposal (oh, this is due tomorrow too!)
[  ] 11/19  SCWK 240 research methods test (and this one! …at 9am bright and early!)
[  ] 11/25  SCWK 202 policy WIC presentation
[  ] 12/02  SCWK 212 HBSE exam
[  ] 12/03  SCWK 220 practice paper due (4-6pgs)
[  ] 12/09  SCWK 202 policy paper due (10-12pgs)
[  ] 12/09  SCWK 212 HBSE paper due (6-8pgs)
[  ] 12/10  SCWK 240 Research paper due (13pgs)

X____x

undergrad was not stressful….

Seeking the Shalom of the City

{ September 15, 2008 @ 12:47 am } · { personal }
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‘Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf; for in its welfare you will have welfare.’ “For thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, ‘Do not let your prophets who are in your midst and your diviners deceive you, and do not listen to the dreams which they dream. ‘For they prophesy falsely to you in My name; I have not sent them,’ declares the LORD. “For thus says the LORD, ‘When seventy years have been completed for Babylon, I will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place. ‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. ‘Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ‘You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. ‘I will be found by you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,‘ declares the LORD, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.’ - Jeremiah 29:7-14 (nasb)

that’s such an encouragement and confirmation in what i am suppose to do here. since i have been to san jose, i felt like i have been thrown into a place of questioning and unfamiliarity. there had been this unspoken feeling of doubt and abandonment. did i make a wrong choice? did he want me in hawai’i instead? does it matter? i don’t think it matters.

as long as i am doing what i am called to do, here, i am good. for a long time i have been so afraid of “missing the boat” for God’s blessing for me. i have forgotten to look in the present — the things that are in front of me. i am beginning to know God’s purpose for me during my time here as i try to seek the shalom of this city.

‘seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart,  and i will be found by you.’ what an awesome promise! soo glad that i got this message at the beginning of my time here! good stuff.  =)

Approaching

{ July 28, 2008 @ 5:36 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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2 and a half more weeks of seattle… i can’t believe it. coming up so soon!

torn

{ July 21, 2008 @ 2:24 am } · { Uncategorized }
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so….. today a family friend brought a bag of clothes to my mom to see if she wanted them.  she said that her daughter doesn’t fit or want the clothes (for whatever reason), most of them are unworn / like new.  she said if my mom find them useful, my mom could keep them.  she said nothing to me.  which make sense kind of… cause her daughters are skinny.  and… i obviously am not.  and everyone knows that my body type is extremely out of the asian body stereotype.

but tonight as my mom and i were looking at the bag of clothes together… i was as giddy as ever like a little kid openning christmas presents on christmas day. taking them out one by one, awaiting of what else was instored in the bag. it was filled in one of those good size nordstrom paper bag.  there were probably 20 pieces of clothing. a good amount of them were kid’s sized clothes. (keep in mind that her daughters are skinny, so they would buy kids size xxl or something when they were younger [it's cheaper too i heard]) some of the other ones are just random pieces of clothing. there was one shirt that was light bright orange with cherries all over it. um… yea. i can see people wearing it in asia, may be… but not here.

at the end of the scrumage… i ended up with 9 piece of clothing. mom 0.  hahah. she didn’t like any of them. she never could have thought that i would be the one who actually found so many things that i liked, and fitted me. i felt like i just came back from macy’s. except i didn’t pay a dime. these clothes are all free….. who doesn’t love free right? i am happy.

but at the same time…. i don’t NEED these clothes.  even tho most of my wardrobe is black…. and these clothes are anything but black. i dunno. i feel like such a hoard. i have the ability to justify why i want to keep each pieces of these clothing. like, “these clothes are not black, i need more variations than black.” or “some of these clothes are nice enough for me to wear to work, they are not printed shirts”. or “i don’t have that many skirts in my wardrobe.”  or the classic and vainest one… “i look good in it.” but at the same time, i know that somewhere out there people can have these clothes. people in china could have these clothes. …..

A Thought that I Had Throughout, But Too Lazy to Finish…

{ July 2, 2008 @ 2:40 am } · { personal, reflection on self, Uncategorized }
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“and now these three remain:  faith, hope and love.  but the greatest of these is love.” – 1 corinthians 13:13

learning to love has been the greatest lesson of my life.  it is the over-arching theme.  whether i like them or not, i am called to love.  without love everything i do and believe result to nothing in God’s eyes.  it has not been an easy lesson.  every step has been about obedience.

My Beloved…

{ July 2, 2008 @ 2:35 am } · { Uncategorized }
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cellphone and me
we go everywhere together…


has died…. after slipping out of my bag and into the water.  T___T

…even after desperate rescuing efforts.

hopefully it will become alive again the next morning…………..
i have not lost faith yet!

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